I am totally behind on my blogging... July and August were really busy, and we did lots of really fun things, including: swimming lessons; 2 family reunions; building a swingset; several days in Sun Valley, Idaho; starting school; and fly fishing.
But that isn't what I am going to write about today. Today I am going to write down some of the things I have been thinking about amidst the running hither and yon.
--First, I am trying to figure out what chores are appropriate for children at a given age. And how many of these doable tasks is too much. For example, is it too much to ask a 5-year-old to practice the violin, unload the dishwasher, do homework, and clean her bedroom every day? Are my expectations unrealistic?
--On a related thought process, I am trying to figure out how to encourage children to do chores with out having to resort to yelling and beating. I have one child in particular who "hates working." (Those are exact words that came out of said child's mouth on Monday.) I have tried a point system. I have tried making lists. I have tried being there to help and tell each item to pick up. I have tried taking away privileges. I have tried incentives. I am running out of ideas.
--Next I am trying to figure out what to do with a child who tells out-right lies. As in, "Did you brush your teeth?" "Yes, I did." When I KNOW that said child hasn't brushed teeth. I have consulted several books. One said that most 5 to 8 yr olds go through a lying phase. The best thing to do is encourage honesty and make telling the truth more rewarding than telling the lie. So how do you make that child accountable for their dishonesty, while still making telling the truth more rewarding? I am really hoping this is just a phase, but I don't know what to do.
--What do you do when a child is in class with none of their friends from previous years, and they are really struggling to make friends? How do you teach a kid how to make friends?
--How do you give a child confidence without making them conceited? I want to have kids who are friendly and kind and know when to stand up for themselves and know when to compromise and when to let someone else have their way. But how do you this?
So those are some of my parenting thoughts for the day. Any suggestions anyone has would be great.
3 comments:
I have no answers. Because I have to same problems. (Ana has been lying really badly lately.) I'm thinking I might get the book "teaching children joy." If you figure anything out, let me know.
Oh you are such a good mama to be worrying so much. I doubt I will be much help, but here are some things that worked for me:
Chores: I think each kid is different but when mine complain (and I do a good job with my love and logic... have you heard of it? I love it) I just remind them that everyone works in our family because we are a team, I can't do it all and I need help. I also let me kids pick their own chores and they tend to pick the ones I want them to do.
I don't know that your expectations are too high, but I don't know your kiddo well enough to say.
When they choose not to do chores and are frustrating me I just sit down with a book and start reading. When they notice (usually when there is something fun we were going to do) I tell them I am so tired from all the work that isn't done that I can't possibly do anything but sit and read. And of course they ask what can be done to resolve this and I tell them they could maybe try doing their chores and we'll see if that helps me have energy. I say all this very blase and I focus on my book. Then when they do it and tack on an extra chore or two for good measure. It works pretty well.
Lying is rough. The only thing we've done on that is I tell all the kids I will never get mad and freak out if they tell me the truth, even if I don't want to hear it, but I will be upset if they lie. Then when they lie about the tooth brushing I'll ask them how I feel about lying and they nearly always immediately tell the truth. I stay cool and we brush the teeth together. It has worked in other things since my kids will come to me and tell me they need to say something and they hope I won't be upset which is my sign to be a calm mama while they tell me something that I won't be happy about. But they tell me things and that is so important.
Making friends is rough. I have dealt with my kid making friends with mean kids and then being upset because my child doesn't want to be mean to others just to fit in but wants to fit in. I'm still stumped on this one. The only thing we've done is introduce our kids to other families who are not at school or church with them in the hopes that they will be well rounded. Learning how to make friends is hard. My problem is my kids talk to everyone in the world and it makes me crazy.
I doubt your kids would be conceited! But I had the same fear. I still do. I just tell my kids how great they are and when they say they are better at something than another kid we talk about that kid and what they are good at and why being "better" really doesn't matter, being kind means more. I mostly just work on my kids manners on that one because maybe I'm awful, but I hope my kids do think they are awesome. I want them to have that confidence so others can't shake them, but I also want them to know awesome people treat others like they are just as awesome.
I don't know if any of this will help, but I think you are doing great and your kids look so wonderful.
Oh, thank you for helping me realize that my kids are totally normal!! Your thoughts are almost identical to mine. :)
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